In my World History class, we've been learning how to take over the world. Or, as the title says, how not to do it. Because there's the possibility this will be the topic of an exam essay, I'm writing as many things as I can remember in a place where I won't lose it. To my homeschooled friends: it is much easier to lose a binder or notebook than you might think.
1. Never invade Russia in winter time, or at a time when your attack might last into the winter.
Perfect example: Napoleon. Oh silly Napoleon. As soon as you attacked Russia, everything went downhill. Just don't do it.
2. Never massacre a bunch of civilians.
The British did this in the city of Amritsar, India. Not only were the people infuriated, they also had the perfect incitement to revolt against the British.
3. If you're going to give reforms, then just give the reforms.
The Russian czars became infamous for this, among other things like Faberge eggs and lost princesses. They would give the people a small reform so they could be like the other industrializing European nations. Suddenly, the ungrateful wretches felt entitled to food and clothes as well as work safety and all the reforms went out the window. Apparently they didn't appreciate it and forced the czar to abdicate.
4. Don't become power crazed at the height of your career.
Maximilien Robespierre, the "Incorruptible" conductor of the French Revolution started to go off the deep end towards the end of the bloodbath -- creating festivals to celebrate the goddess of Logic (seems kind of ironic), and portraying himself as a demigod in the first ever holiday of the new French calendar. He got a bullet to the jaw and an appointment with Madame Guillotine for his trouble.
5. Listen to newspaper ads from the enemy if you want to stay out of a world war.
Many people are aware that the U.S. joined World War I because a German U-boat sunk the S.S. Lusitania, killing over 100 American citizens. However, not many people are aware that the German government placed an ad in several newspapers warning passengers to find a different ship or wait for a different time because of instances of mistaken identity in which "innocent" ships were sunk. The Lusitania was sunk in part because the Germans were suspicious that it was carrying military cargo to Britain. History has proved the Germans correct. Way to go, Lusitania.
6. If you're going to go to the trouble of organizing a bunch of nations into a league of peace-keepers, make sure your country joins.
Woodrow Wilson organized his Fourteen Points and a supposedly worldwide League of Nations to try to avoid more world wars. The whole thing was going great until he went home and it was voted against by Congress. So close.
7. Use prison camps!
Proved most effective in Russia, this tactic was also utilized by Germany and Italy before and during WWII. Not only do your salt quarries get mined, you have the perfect threat to use against would-be critics, radicals and other detractors.
8. Be sure to keep the colonial system going as long as possible.
Even though the name changed to "mandate" after the Paris Peace Conference, European nations made sure their colonies kept providing them resources and trade well into the 20th century. Meanwhile, Wilson stood in the background... "Hey guys! What about self-determination? We could just let them do their own thing for a while. We did say they could get independence or something after this war deal. No? Just me? Oh, ok."
To be continued....
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